Mistake 3: Manipulation
Your goal in getting back your ex is to repair and regain a relationship that is valuable to you. This is an
admirable intention. But, admirable intentions do not justify the use of any means necessary.
Using kids, money, sex, or any other kind of leverage available to you to coerce your ex into coming back to you is
not only unkind, your ex will lose respect for you.
These tactics backfire much more often than they work. Your ex is likely to see through what you are doing and only
resist your attempts with more resolve than ever before. Their recognition that you are manipulating them will only
be another reason they don't want to be with you.
Even if you were successful at getting them back, the long term consequences would not be favorable. Forcing someone
to do something creates resentment. Resentment is relationship cancer.
Don't entice your ex by teasing them sexually hoping that if they get frustrated enough they will sleep with you
and then you'll have leverage. Don't make them feel unnecessary guilt about not being good enough parents to
their kids just so they will come over more often. Don't offer them money hoping that they will become indebted
to you. Don't get together with another person and rub it in their face just to make them feel jealous.
Manipulation, in any degree or to any extent, no matter how small or insignificant, will create a tear in the
relationship.
Avoid it altogether.
The kind of relationship that you want cannot be based on underhanded, conniving tactics. Don't be so
shortsighted that you sacrifice what could be a healthy, long-lasting relationship for your immediate gratification.
If you have been using a manipulative tactic you need to spend some time examining yourself and your feelings for
your ex. How much do you really care about them if you are willing to use such hostile and devious tricks on them?
Maybe they are better off without you if you don't care about them enough to resist resorting to such unfairness.
Out of all the mistakes that someone can make when they are getting back their ex this is probably the worst because
it reflects poorly on you as a person. I hope that if you've been trying manipulation to get back your ex that
you will instead take a look at what my book can offer you.
Mistake 4: Reasoning, Persuading, and Arguing
The other day I was reading an ad for that beautiful new iPod I want to buy. You could say that I was reading it
because I was hoping it would convince me to finally plunk down the cash... because I DO want that iPod in my hands.
I also read a somewhat negative review of the new iPod. I already have an older iPod (the ones with the black and
white screens) and I know that they are spectacular products - easy to use, reliable, and very chic. So, as I was
reading this review and the author was picking on so-called "flaws" I'm thinking to myself "Hmm, I
never had a problem with that," "There is a solution to that, Dummy," and "You don't know
what you are talking about!" Basically, I was arguing with the reviewer in my head.
My point (yes, I DO have a point) is this...
Words are persuasive when they are convincing us to do something that we already want to do. We go along with it
without resisting. But, when words are trying to persuade us to do something that we don't want to do, they can
actually make us more firm and confident in our decision because they force us to come up with counter arguments. In
other words, they backfire.
Trying to convince your ex to get back together is trying to get them to do something that they already decided they
don't want to do.
As you are saying...
"We were so good together. Do you really want to throw that away?"
Your ex is thinking...
"Yes, that's why I broke up with you. Things weren't that great anyway. We were always fighting. I
think I am better off with someone else."
When you try to use persuasive arguments you force your ex to come up with equally persuasive counter responses -
reasons why what you are saying is wrong and what they are doing is right.
You are asking them to explain and justify their decision... and in the process of doing that they are reinforcing
the idea, in their mind, that you SHOULDN'T get back together!
The more you push the deeper they have to dig their heels into the ground to keep their footing. You are solidifying
rather than dissolving their justifications for the break up.
As with all the other common mistakes people make when trying to get back together with their ex boyfriend or ex
girlfriend, people unintentionally hurt their chances of getting back their ex.
It seems logical, it's very tempting, but remember: arguing with your ex about why the two of your should get
back together is like trying to talk me out of a new iPod... it just isn't going to happen.
If you are looking for a more effective way of getting back together with your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend I
encourage you to learn more about my ebook "How
to Get Back Your Ex."
Mistake 5: Reassurance You Have Changed
A person's habits and personality are relatively stable over their lifetime.
We all know this. None of us expect someone to be a completely different person with a different personality the next
time we see them. None of us expect to wake up in the morning with different dreams, desires, and impulses. We expect
a person's behavior to be consistent with their past behavior. And, based on experience, this is a reasonable
expectation.
Who you are today is basically who you are going to be tomorrow. Who you are this year will be very similar to who
you are next year.
Dramatic, lasting changes just don't usually happen outside of Hollywood.
Telling your ex that you have changed and that "things will be different this time" is asking them to
believe something that is intuitively untrue and contradicts their life experiences.
You are saying "I've changed. I'm a different person and things will be different now." But, the
truth is you haven't changed... you are saying that you are going to try to be a different person in the
*future*. You may honestly feel like you are able to change your future behavior but that does not mean you are a
changed person. It's an important distinction and one that your ex will automatically make as soon as the words
come out of your mouth. It's a promise to be fulfilled at a later time, not something that has already occured
(like you are claiming).
It's not an effective approach to repairing your relationship and getting back together with your ex. I
wouldn't advise it to anyone. It's a lame (though unconscious) attempt to decieve you ex... and they will
probably see through it.
Rather than telling your ex that you've changed it's much more effective to SHOW THEM that you've
changed. There are very specific ways of doing that and I outline them clearly in my book. If you have the time (5
minutes or so) you should defnitely take a moment to
read more about it.
Getting back an ex is a complex problem. There are many ways to make mistakes and many subtle things that must be
addressed to increase your chances.
If you would like a step-by-step plan for repairing your relationship and getting back your ex feel free to learn
more about my book "How to Get Back Your
Ex" by visiting my website on getting
back together with your ex.
Click here to learn more
about how to
get back together with your ex...
What if you've already made these mistakes? Is it still possible to get your ex back?
The short answer is "yes." While making these mistakes is not a good thing, it
doesn't mean it's impossible to get back together with your ex. My approach helps repair the damage caused by
these mistakes (you'll learn more about this in my book in the section on "the push and pull") in the
process of getting your ex back.
Learn about "How to Get Back Your Ex" >>>